Thursday, December 27, 2012


Yes, I am positive things need to change.... or keep changing, rather.

See, for reasons I simply can't put my finger on 2012 changed me. It wasn't a quick, hard, and fast change. It was a gentle, slow, and "oh wow I didn't even see it coming" change. I realized it sometime Christmas Eve after my own private pity party. I said it on my Facebook... I see 2012 leaving and I like what I see coming in 2013.

I have worked hard in 2012, to the horror of a lot of random people (mostly people I've never actually met in person), to keep Beth off of psych medications. She just turned 8 this past summer and I am simply not comfortable giving her these medications I have read about that are most commonly used and am not comfortable at all with them being given to my child. She does have high levels of anxiety, auditory and visual hallucinations, and disorganized thought patterns but she has responded very well to non-medication interventions. We don't discourage her coping methods at home. For the most part her hallucinations have been friendly and she's been able to keep the "bad voices" at bay, or come talk to me if they start to overwhelm her. We had our handful of scary hallucinations, really down times, and really scary moments but we made it through okay and those were the exception and not the rule. Should the time come where the status quo changes, we will make that decision but we do check in periodically with our med doctor and so far she agrees with our technique.

In order to keep her off of the medications I've had to do a drastic overhaul of my thinking. Lord knows I'm not perfect and I make quite a few mistakes. These mistakes have been learning experiences for all of us. Beth knows that Mommy can only handle so much at one time. Especially when Xander is in destructo-mode (which is 95% of the time), Peter is melting down because Beth and Xander combined are causing an over-stimulation for him, and Jolie is singing loudly to drown them all out. The girls and I are learning how to step back and wind down and in turn are able to work together to teach Peter how to. We are trying with Xander. He will pick it up in time.

When I'm not fighting off a cold I use certain scents of incense to help me focus and feel calm. I've also been using certain yoga poses. I do puzzles with the kids, Xander and I play cars, Jolie does a lot of coloring, and Beth does a lot of reading. The kids use Angry Birds to focus and unwind and I use crocheting and Bubble pop games. We have made so many great strides in 2012!

One thing I realized is that at some point in 2012 I stopped focusing on what I don't have and started to focus on how to get what I need. I don't sit around and complain about what I lack anymore. If I need something I do my best to find ways to provide it or provide for it. I'm learning how to ask for help. I'm learning to trust in myself in order to trust in others. One of the things that has stood out to me is that the more often I keep my attitude and mindset positive the better I feel in general. Its not a natural state for me, however, (which is sad to say) so it takes a lot of work and effort to stay positive and that can be exhausting. Its something myself and our therapist is working on with Beth too. Beth and I are learning together how to value ourselves even though we both find so many positive things about each other.

Its so exciting how much there is left to learn!


  1. This! This ive got to learn...positivity!

  2. ~hugs~ This is one of the reasons I'm proud of you.

  3. And there are no words to express how much I appreciate you.