Sunday, October 28, 2012


Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

~Christina Aguilera~ 

As the year draws to a close I've done some reflecting over the last year. So much has happened that I didn't blog about... some because the time to tell our story publicly hasn't come yet and some because I was just too tired of it all. 

My girl has had her ups and downs this year. After a very rocky start to the calendar year we ended up having a great summer. We had to mediate her IEP in July and ended up entirely changing her school placement which has still been nothing but a disaster but that fight is far from over. What I noticed was that this summer she was so together. We went to the beach a few times, we went to the zoo, we had a huge birthday bash, and she learned to ride her bike without training wheels! It was just a great overall summer. School started and the psychosis kicked back in. Its disheartening, but I've noticed a few things about the both of us. 

She can tell me she's struggling. How awesome is that?? I don't always have to guess now. Sometimes she's able to come right out and tell me something is wrong. She may not be able to tell me what, but she can tell me something is wrong.

She trusts me enough to talk about what's going on in her head. She can't explain it usually but she can tell me and share her world with me. She finally understands that I accept her world and I accept her. It has made a huge difference in her frustration levels and her ability to learn coping skills.

Those two accomplishments alone would be more than enough for me but she's made several more. She can now name adults she trusts, she can now ride her bike without training wheels, she's able to identify her interests, she can ask for her space when she feels she needs it, she is appropriately identifying her emotions far better than ever before, and she has expressed in words that home makes her feel safe and protected.

I mean really, how awesome is she?! 

My battles to get her a free and appropriate education and the services she needs in school has taught me a ton about myself. I never thought I was strong enough to fight for things like this. I know I have serious anxiety issues and I was sure that the anxiety would hold me back but what I learned instead is that when I get irritated I can focus better. I've found that I have become stronger, more confident, far more educated, and far less willing to accept answers that don't feel right. I no longer have any problem letting everyone know how I feel in a respectful but firm way.

This year has changed me in immeasurable ways. I've lost some close friendships and gained others. I have changed my school path for myself so I can get a degree in Human Services and I can really help people. I am happy with the person I am becoming and for the first time in a long long time I am starting to feel proud of myself. 


  1. :) I love you and your girl. You are both AMAZING people!!

  2. It's great that your daughter can talk to you about her psychosis. That seems to be a rare phenomenon. I can tell you from personal experience that when I tall people about my son's voices, the first thing they ask is: How do you know?
    Well, I know because he tells me, silly!
    This spring I had dinner with Randye Kaye, author of 'Ben Behind His Voices' and she shared that her son, Ben, while he takes his medication and is doing well, has never spoken with her about his hallucinations. Not once. She was the one who told me how lucky I was to have such intimate insight into my son's illness...and I agree.
    Keep on truckin' momma!