Tuesday, March 22, 2011


 I know I need support. Support outside of the ABA, Speech, OT, PT, and every other therapist you can think of. I wish, and I mean wish, that we could go somewhere, attend events, and socialize. I kind of miss summer cookouts, birthday parties, and the like.

This is on my mind today because we have been invited to my step-brother's daughter's first birthday. Yep, this makes her my niece. I've seen her twice since she was born. I can't really consider that close family. I have one sister, 4 step brothers, and 3 step sisters. Between them I have at least 12 nieces and nephews.... and can't say that any of them (except maybe one) see me and mine as family.

This makes me sad. I know a lot of it is because my priorities are insanely different than the rest of the "family"'s. They, for the most part, do not need to consider what the ultimate effect is going to be on two of their 4 children. They don't have to know exactly how large the event will be, whether it will be indoor or outdoors, if there will be a quiet area, or how long the event is expected to last. They don't have to worry about judgmental looks, odd behaviors, or social inappropriateness. Yes, this all happens. One way or another it usually ends up getting back to me. I brush it off, but it still hurts to know I will never have a true family atmosphere for my kids. They will be tolerated at the proper times... no one will dare be outright mean to them, but they won't be understood.

This may be my fault. I have systematically declined every invitation I have received in the last 3 years with the exception of two or three events. Each of these events have confirmed that I made the right decision declining the others. In all of the cases I didn't decline I spent the majority of my time ignored and left to chase my kids. I can chase my kids and be ignored at my own house... it's not at all fun doing it at someone else's house.

In the end I guess what it all means is that I want to go places, I want to socialize, I want my kids to socialize... to have friends, to have a support system. I want to socialize with people who aren't going to talk about my kids in a negative light at the end of the day. I want a family.

No comments:

Post a Comment