Finished!

It's finally done! 

It took over a year, and right now I'm snuggled up on the couch with my masterpiece. I was going to wash it but right now its keeping me sooooo warm! 

Guess its time to make more stuff animals. The kids LOVE the dragon I made last week.

Today was supposed to be a karate day.... but my lower back and my knee are not in any shape to go anywhere. I'm still waiting on the MRI to be scheduled. My back is more than likely arthritis and the bulging discs but my knee is seeming to be more serious. I went through 6 weeks of PT and made great progress but the evaluator says it is most likely a cartilage/meniscus injury. I was referred to an ortho who confirmed that those are her suspicions too and now I'm waiting on the MRI to confirm. My primary care said if it is in fact some time of injury I'm going to be looking at knee surgery. Not at all looking forward to that but trying not to get ahead of myself.

So this morning while I was trying like hell to entertain them while not hurting myself I decided to play the episodes of Sid the Science Kid that I had recorded on our DVR. The three older kids were engrossed in a matter of minutes. The episodes we watched were on inertia and elasticity. The girls really learned and are able to explain back to their daddy what they learned. This led to me printing out worksheets for the kids to do. Joelene did almost 10 math worksheets in less than an hour at a first grade level with only 1 wrong answer. And she was working by herself. She did some letters worksheets too but she doesn't like letters as well as she likes numbers.

We're having a good day.

Friday night.....

As one son screams, two girls yell, and the second son looks on patiently..... I realize that this might be a great weekend to do some picture taking. And maybe some crochet animals. And finish the book I'm reading. And work on the afghan I've been crocheting for a year now. And... well, you get the point.

How does chaos bring about these thoughts? No clue, I thought maybe you'd have the answer.

This has been an insanely long and busy week! Beth started her after school program and she absolutely loves it! The girls are still going to karate and I'm slowly seeing some real improvements. They are building back the confidence they lost two weeks ago. Monkey-doodle has been chatting up a storm and running around like a crazy person.... and I'm loving every minute of it!

Peter had a rough week in school. Something (no clue what) happened at the end of last week. Something at school scared him horribly. Like to the point that he was simply never going back, in his opinion. All he could tell me was that school is scary, but no details. I called his teacher, I talked to the special ed coordinator, and came close to talking to the principal. No one could pinpoint what it was. A week later he still insists he's not going, but has a good day once he gets there.

Princess Jolie went apple picking with school today and had so much fun! I was seriously starting to consider the possibility of homeschooling but when I asked the girls if they'd rather learn at home or at school and they were quick to answer that they'd rather go to school.

This weekend we're doing karate and then we're going to spend the weekend hanging out together. Some yard work, movies maybe, and just celebrating each other and the strengths we all bring to this family. They're buttheads sometimes but I adore them.

Disappointments

Probably one of the hardest lessons a child can learn is how to deal with disappointment.

Last night at karate both girls were gently told that they weren't ready to test. In the year we've been going to karate this has never happened to them... so needless to say they were shattered.

I wasn't there. I was at home considering getting ready for Peter's Open House (which I did not make it to) and nursing a massive migraine. My sister was there with them. I hate that I wasn't there... but I know I wasn't in a position where I could have handled that. I handled it as best I could by phone.

Let me be clear about something before I go on.
The karate studio made the right decision. I firmly believe that a child should not be promoted until they can handle the material. My children are no exception to that. At no point was anyone at the studio mean or harsh with my girls. They handled everything with the grace I have come to expect from them.

When I first talked to Beth on the phone she was hysterical and kept sobbing "I'm so upset, Mommy" and "I'll never get my confidence back, Mom". (The fact that she could, and did, express that pleased me to no end). I wasn't going to put her through this... we weren't going to quit karate but I was going to have Holly take them home but my brave girl didn't want to go home. She wanted to stay and I was leaving that choice totally in her lap. I think just knowing that I was going to support her decision either way helped her be strong.

I talked to Jolie on the phone too and although upset she was calm and she wanted to stay too. Holly had told me that she cried a lot but did calm down (it didn't hurt that one of the staff gave her Cheez-its). They decided to stay and one of our favorite teachers, Mr. B, worked with Beth for a little bit on her material.

When they got home I was greeted by two little girls with puffy and red eyes. I hugged them both tight and Beth was still disappointed but she understood. Jolie, on the other hand, lost it. She started sobbing and yelling, slamming doors, and swearing she was done with karate and never going back... just downright hysterical. I called the girls therapist to let her know what was going on and she asked me to have them draw a picture of how they were feeling about the events of the evening.

The results of that activity:

{image removed due to child's name on it}

Beth identified her emotion all by herself. She said she felt better after drawing it, which I know was part of the reason for the exercise. I know it was to help them get the emotion out. 

When I asked Jolie what feelings her picture was showing she said "mad". She isn't much better today. It's her 6th birthday and she's been complaining of a stomach ache. She said she's still sad and that her heart hurts because she just wants to be good at karate. She doesn't want to quit anymore.

My heart breaks for my babygirl. Beth handled this so well and I told her how proud I am of her for sharing her emotions, for talking it out, and for not giving up. She seemed to glow under my praise and I'm positive that helped her understand that it's perfectly alright to be upset and that we are here for her to help her through these hard moments in life.

Joelene is still struggling. She said she doesn't want to quit anymore, which is a good thing considering that I wasn't going to allow her to. I don't want my children thinking its alright to quit something when it gets hard or doesn't go the way you want it to. As hard as this is for them, and for me, I want them to remember that it hurt but they overcame it. I want them to be proud of the work they put into it and to know that they may not succeed on the first attempt at something but that they can succeed if they don't give up.

The girls are off to school now. 

Jolie's parting words as she walked out the door....

"Hopefully I don't get hurt today."

School has begun!

Pookie has started the 2nd grade!

And this time, Mommy is prepared. It's been a long while since I've updated so let me try and get it all down. We had a crazy summer. Pookie was entirely stressed most of the summer. She started eating paper, pinching herself, pinching and kicking Peanut and Bub, and went back to expressing desires to hurt herself.

We were at a total loss as to what to do so I talked to her pedi and the pedi put her on Prozac. I know, a tough choice. I struggled hard with the choice but I really feel like I made the right decision. In addition we added some home based therapy and ended up with a therapist that we all adore. She has since calmed down and is handling things so much better. She's adjusting and new social skills are emerging every day.

This past week she, for the first time, was able to pick up on non-verbal cues of nervousness coming from another child and apply an appropriate action to help with the nervousness. This happened at karate.... and although I missed it someone caught it on video. We now have video proof that the ability to pick up on non verbal cues and empathy are alive and well inside her. She's simply learning how to apply it.

Princess Peanut has started kindergarten... and she's loving it. She's going full day and sometimes comes home exhausted but has a blast! She already knows her letters so a lot of it is review so far, but she's loving it none the less.

Bub is turning 3 and entering the public school system soon. I'm really going to miss his ABA therapist. He's doing amazing.

Monkey is... well... Monkey...lol. Talking up a storm and walking everywhere!

My heathens....

A fun time was had by all!

Enjoy your weekend!

Thinking Out Loud (Sort of)...

     So the school thing.... temporarily (or maybe permenantly?) on hold. I've been thinking a lot about that today. I don't like how it feels to not keep going but I know right now it is the best decision.... especially that specific degree. I'm logical enough (most days) to know that the career path wouldn't work with my chaotic children. The thing is... I hate change. Even change that is for the best. I hate starting new things, ending things, new places, new routines... all change really. I don't know for sure whether this stems from my rather severe anxiety issues, or whether this is something entirely independant. Something to think about....

     Back to the school thing. That career path just wouldn't work. I knew that. I knew that long before it was pointed out to me several times. Right now I can't see a career path that would work. I have two kids on the autism spectrum, one with emotional/behavioral issues, and a baby. I can't afford daycare (and would never launch my crew at a poor unsuspecting daycare provider). I was thinking today that maybe I could work on a degree in child psychology. Even if I never use it for a career path it will help me understand my children and help me make better decisions for them (and with them). Once they are all in school maybe I could work for Early Intervention or something like that.

     On a completely different note, today with Joelene was a complete nightmare. Jolie has been spending a lot of time alone everyday in her room. Normally I don't mind this but its starting to get excessive. The weather today is amazing so I told her to go outside... and that's when the nightmare began. Peter was out playing on the (newly) enclosed swingset/sandbox and I told Jolie to go play with him. My mother and I were right on the deck so it wasn't like she was alone... but she lost it. She screamed and cried for over 4 hours. She hit, pushed, screamed, sobbed, was unbelievably hysterical over a fear of bees. I think we saw 2 bees the entire time. When logic prevailed she began her screaming again about she didn't want to be here and just wants to watch TV... which was the actual problem to start with. We made it through the tantrum... and I am happy to report that she is playing outside happily by her own choice right now. I guess it seemed like a good choice seeing as how I flat out refused to turn the TV back on today...lol.

     Right now Monkey is napping and the other three are outside playing. I am absolutely loving it!

Oh! Peter rode a tricycle today... I didn't get any pictures but I will soon!


  

That's awful! I'm so sorry!

I was reading some autism related blogs today and in one they were discussing the stigma that comes with being diagnosed with an ASD. It's not nearly as bad as the stigma that comes with an emotional disorder, but it's still commented on in a negative fashion on a regular basis. Now don't get me wrong, I'm actually very used to hearing about how bad my genes are, how awful it must be for me, and how sorry people are that I have two autistic children.

Now that being said....

About three days ago a nurse from Boston Children's called to confirm some details about Xander's upcoming surgery. She was going over family medical history and asked if anyone in his immediate family had any neurological disorders. When I asked what would count as a neurological disorder she listed autism as an example. I told her that two of his siblings have been diagnosed with PDD-NOS. The line went silent and then she said... "That's awful! I'm so sorry!". This actually shocked me into silence. Most of the time when I hear this its from a "well meaning" family member, a stranger, one of the kids' teachers... but I've never heard it from a member of the medical community. Most of the time I easily respond with "I'm not sorry, they're perfect.". Not this time. This time I sat there for a few seconds speechless. We continued the call with no other shocks...lol. 

Don't get me wrong.... she was awesome. She was so thorough in her explanations that I got off the phone truly comfortable with the entire process. I don't see what she said as something bad, something wrong, or a negative mark on Xander's surgery experience. As a matter of fact I had put it out of my mind and forgotten all about it until I read that blog this morning. 

I think on of the things I'd like to see for the autism community is for reactions like that to stop. Seriously people... you want to know how to help people with an ASD or parents of a child on the spectrum? Stop those reactions. Believe it or not, not a day goes by that I don't wonder if my genes are what caused my children to have these challenges. Parents like me don't need you to point that out. We're reasonably intelligent people, we know. Personally, I feel blessed most days.