School has begun!

Pookie has started the 2nd grade!

And this time, Mommy is prepared. It's been a long while since I've updated so let me try and get it all down. We had a crazy summer. Pookie was entirely stressed most of the summer. She started eating paper, pinching herself, pinching and kicking Peanut and Bub, and went back to expressing desires to hurt herself.

We were at a total loss as to what to do so I talked to her pedi and the pedi put her on Prozac. I know, a tough choice. I struggled hard with the choice but I really feel like I made the right decision. In addition we added some home based therapy and ended up with a therapist that we all adore. She has since calmed down and is handling things so much better. She's adjusting and new social skills are emerging every day.

This past week she, for the first time, was able to pick up on non-verbal cues of nervousness coming from another child and apply an appropriate action to help with the nervousness. This happened at karate.... and although I missed it someone caught it on video. We now have video proof that the ability to pick up on non verbal cues and empathy are alive and well inside her. She's simply learning how to apply it.

Princess Peanut has started kindergarten... and she's loving it. She's going full day and sometimes comes home exhausted but has a blast! She already knows her letters so a lot of it is review so far, but she's loving it none the less.

Bub is turning 3 and entering the public school system soon. I'm really going to miss his ABA therapist. He's doing amazing.

Monkey is... well... Monkey...lol. Talking up a storm and walking everywhere!

My heathens....

A fun time was had by all!

Enjoy your weekend!

Thinking Out Loud (Sort of)...

     So the school thing.... temporarily (or maybe permenantly?) on hold. I've been thinking a lot about that today. I don't like how it feels to not keep going but I know right now it is the best decision.... especially that specific degree. I'm logical enough (most days) to know that the career path wouldn't work with my chaotic children. The thing is... I hate change. Even change that is for the best. I hate starting new things, ending things, new places, new routines... all change really. I don't know for sure whether this stems from my rather severe anxiety issues, or whether this is something entirely independant. Something to think about....

     Back to the school thing. That career path just wouldn't work. I knew that. I knew that long before it was pointed out to me several times. Right now I can't see a career path that would work. I have two kids on the autism spectrum, one with emotional/behavioral issues, and a baby. I can't afford daycare (and would never launch my crew at a poor unsuspecting daycare provider). I was thinking today that maybe I could work on a degree in child psychology. Even if I never use it for a career path it will help me understand my children and help me make better decisions for them (and with them). Once they are all in school maybe I could work for Early Intervention or something like that.

     On a completely different note, today with Joelene was a complete nightmare. Jolie has been spending a lot of time alone everyday in her room. Normally I don't mind this but its starting to get excessive. The weather today is amazing so I told her to go outside... and that's when the nightmare began. Peter was out playing on the (newly) enclosed swingset/sandbox and I told Jolie to go play with him. My mother and I were right on the deck so it wasn't like she was alone... but she lost it. She screamed and cried for over 4 hours. She hit, pushed, screamed, sobbed, was unbelievably hysterical over a fear of bees. I think we saw 2 bees the entire time. When logic prevailed she began her screaming again about she didn't want to be here and just wants to watch TV... which was the actual problem to start with. We made it through the tantrum... and I am happy to report that she is playing outside happily by her own choice right now. I guess it seemed like a good choice seeing as how I flat out refused to turn the TV back on today...lol.

     Right now Monkey is napping and the other three are outside playing. I am absolutely loving it!

Oh! Peter rode a tricycle today... I didn't get any pictures but I will soon!


  

That's awful! I'm so sorry!

I was reading some autism related blogs today and in one they were discussing the stigma that comes with being diagnosed with an ASD. It's not nearly as bad as the stigma that comes with an emotional disorder, but it's still commented on in a negative fashion on a regular basis. Now don't get me wrong, I'm actually very used to hearing about how bad my genes are, how awful it must be for me, and how sorry people are that I have two autistic children.

Now that being said....

About three days ago a nurse from Boston Children's called to confirm some details about Xander's upcoming surgery. She was going over family medical history and asked if anyone in his immediate family had any neurological disorders. When I asked what would count as a neurological disorder she listed autism as an example. I told her that two of his siblings have been diagnosed with PDD-NOS. The line went silent and then she said... "That's awful! I'm so sorry!". This actually shocked me into silence. Most of the time when I hear this its from a "well meaning" family member, a stranger, one of the kids' teachers... but I've never heard it from a member of the medical community. Most of the time I easily respond with "I'm not sorry, they're perfect.". Not this time. This time I sat there for a few seconds speechless. We continued the call with no other shocks...lol. 

Don't get me wrong.... she was awesome. She was so thorough in her explanations that I got off the phone truly comfortable with the entire process. I don't see what she said as something bad, something wrong, or a negative mark on Xander's surgery experience. As a matter of fact I had put it out of my mind and forgotten all about it until I read that blog this morning. 

I think on of the things I'd like to see for the autism community is for reactions like that to stop. Seriously people... you want to know how to help people with an ASD or parents of a child on the spectrum? Stop those reactions. Believe it or not, not a day goes by that I don't wonder if my genes are what caused my children to have these challenges. Parents like me don't need you to point that out. We're reasonably intelligent people, we know. Personally, I feel blessed most days. 

Good Morning....

And to think I took off his shirt before he started eating because I didn't want his shirt to get dirty.....

Yep, so far this has been my morning. The girls are out of control and nothing is making Peter happy. Xander, however, is looking on thoroughly amused. 

Mornings like this make me want to crawl into a hole...lol.

Family

 I know I need support. Support outside of the ABA, Speech, OT, PT, and every other therapist you can think of. I wish, and I mean wish, that we could go somewhere, attend events, and socialize. I kind of miss summer cookouts, birthday parties, and the like.

This is on my mind today because we have been invited to my step-brother's daughter's first birthday. Yep, this makes her my niece. I've seen her twice since she was born. I can't really consider that close family. I have one sister, 4 step brothers, and 3 step sisters. Between them I have at least 12 nieces and nephews.... and can't say that any of them (except maybe one) see me and mine as family.

This makes me sad. I know a lot of it is because my priorities are insanely different than the rest of the "family"'s. They, for the most part, do not need to consider what the ultimate effect is going to be on two of their 4 children. They don't have to know exactly how large the event will be, whether it will be indoor or outdoors, if there will be a quiet area, or how long the event is expected to last. They don't have to worry about judgmental looks, odd behaviors, or social inappropriateness. Yes, this all happens. One way or another it usually ends up getting back to me. I brush it off, but it still hurts to know I will never have a true family atmosphere for my kids. They will be tolerated at the proper times... no one will dare be outright mean to them, but they won't be understood.

This may be my fault. I have systematically declined every invitation I have received in the last 3 years with the exception of two or three events. Each of these events have confirmed that I made the right decision declining the others. In all of the cases I didn't decline I spent the majority of my time ignored and left to chase my kids. I can chase my kids and be ignored at my own house... it's not at all fun doing it at someone else's house.

In the end I guess what it all means is that I want to go places, I want to socialize, I want my kids to socialize... to have friends, to have a support system. I want to socialize with people who aren't going to talk about my kids in a negative light at the end of the day. I want a family.

It all falls down....

I have been unbelievably quiet.

Yep, this is pretty uncharacteristic of me.

I'm ready to write again. So lets recap, shall we?

In November of last year, when I was semi-consistently blogging I was working full time, working on a college degree online full time, struggling to get Bubba's ABA therapy set up (while not letting the change in my routine kill me), working with a psychologist for Poohbear, looking for a pychologist for Bean, and keeping a close eye on Monkey.

Not a lot going on there....


I had been warned several times by close friends that I wouldn't be able to keep that pace long. It turned out to be true. I failed both classes, my back and neck started hurting with really no explanation, my blood sugar shot up over 400, and my blood pressure refused to leave the dangerously high range. I've been out of work since January and its looking like I may lose my job.

On the kid front not much has changed. Bubba gets his ABA about 15 hours a week (10 hours less than ideal but the state cut the budget... gotta be happy for what we can get). He also has group therapy twice a week, speech once every other week, and consults with OT and nutrition. Monkey is now seeing early intervention for some concerns about his expressive and receptive communication so we have that once a week now also.

We no longer have a decent therapist for Poohbear... and we never did find someone willing to work with  Bean.  We had Bean evaluated by the school system and although they saw quite a few concerning behaviors they were unable to accept her for early entry. She starts kindergarten in the fall.

I took Monkey to the doctor this morning for his well baby visit and it turns out that he has 2 bad ear infections that I somehow missed. Dr and I discussed Bubba's violent tendencies and she is calling UMASS to see if they have any suggestions on how to handle a very violent two year old.  Monkey has a specialist appt tomorrow for his hypospadias (at 8:30.... in Worcester..... morning traffic is going to be so bad).

So no, not much going on.